Tuesday, March 27, 2012

are you your husbands girlfriend?

I wrote this blog post last April and since then it has been my most searched post on google. I have received e-mails regarding this topic throughout the year and decided that I am going to post it, and maybe update it, every year.

I love listening to Dr. Laura's radio show.

A major point she makes has always stuck with me.

She often asks married female callers if they are their husbands girlfriend.

Think about it...

Back when you and your husband were just dating, didn't you go out of your way for one another and put their needs infront of your own?

You were probably playful and passionate.

You made sure you stood out in a crowd by wearing stylish clothes, putting on perfume and popping breath mints.

Lingering eye contact made your man weak in his knees. As did a little graze of the arm!

That's all part of dating.

But have you let yourself go since you made the committment, signed the document and gotten the ring?

And this letting yourself go doesn't happen immediately.

It happens over time.

As the years progress, some-to-most, get complacent in their marriage.

That’s when people start to lose that lovin’ feeling — because they stop doing the things that made their partner fall in love with them in the first place.

But what do you think would happen if you recreated those dating behaviors with your spouse?

What would happen if you became your husbands girlfriend?

Think about it. Better yet. Try it.


Always remember that men need to feel admired.

Pride + Ego = Man

Feeling admired is a male need.

Being needed is a male need.


Newsflash: Flirting with your husband is a good thing, ladies.

So is shaving your legs, applying your make up and wearing something cute to bed instead of letting yourself turn into the ogre under the bridge.

(Side note: If you don't have much free time or energy, invest in Listerine and lip gloss - those two items will be much appreciated by your husband!)

And when I say to wear something cute -- I'm not talking about being impractical.

I'm talking about wearing tight yoga pants (even though you don't do yoga) and a loose fitting, low cut top -- you will be comfortable while feeding the baby, running carpool, grocery shopping and blogging... and your husband will see the shape of your body and a little skin.

It's a win, win!

These are not manipulations and are not meant to be a burden — they are fun, loving girlfriend-y things to do.

And the same goes for your husband.

Men need to tell their wife she’s beautiful, take her on a date, hold her hand on the couch and be her rock.

Being suprised with a handpicked flower or even just a kiss on the forehead followed by a soft "I love you" goes a long way.


Before Bryan and I were married, I would tell him that I wasn't looking forward to becoming his wife, for I was looking forward to becoming his forever girlfriend.

It's kind of a joke, but I really do feel this way!

I made up this term, and if you are part of my family or a close friend, you know how serious I am about the forever girlfriend title.

Bryan always refers to me as his forever girlfriend and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

It adds a fresh element to our new marriage and I hope it will always add that dating edge to our relationship.

Granted, wehaven't been married for decades, but I can tell you that I began listening to Dr. Laura about 2 months before Bryan and I met.

I've been practicing what she preached from the very beginning and I sure snagged myself one hell of a guy who treats me the way I deserve to be treated!


If you don't listen to Dr. Laura, I suggest you start! Even Bryan listens to her and loves her advice and outlook on marriage...


Added on April 2, 2012:
For a take on this theory from someone who has been with her husband for 10 years and has 2 kids, click here.


  1. I agree with this post 100% ...although I am sure the losers at get of my internets will think differently. ha!
    I think it's so important to keep things fresh and new thoughout the years. It takes work I am sure and there are times when you would rather not, but I always want to get butterflies around Ben like I do now and I want him to feel the same!

  2. I am not even married yet but definitely needed to read this post as a little reminder! I am officially going home from work and shaving my legs immediately! haha I love the forever girlfriend title! What a great outlook on marriage.

  3. I'm glad to have found this post. It's really inspiring. It's a good reminder to every wife, young or old. You are so right for what we, wives have to be to our husband's, I've heard it from my husband too :)

  4. Love this- after almost three years of marriage it is so true that you HAVE to keep things fresh, and keep "dating" each other. Thanks for this post!

  5. I loved this post! What a fantastic approach. This is especially helpful to keep in mind after a baby is added into the picture - cause let me tell you, I am FAR from inspired to get dressed/wear makeup/and, WTF, FLIRT?! Hahaha, been feeling like I need to start "cleaning up my act" so to speak in the slob department and this was just the little push I needed.. Forever Girlfriend - LOVE IT!

  6. Awww, I'm glad you shared this. I think it's something that's important for all of us to read and keep in mind. It's so easy for couples to get "comfortable" but I think we should always continue to try and make each other feel special, regardless of how long we've been together!

  7. Aw, love this!! Thank you SO much for sharing!! I needed it!! It's so easy to get comfortable with each other, & not put as much effort in, like in the past!

  8. Omg I was just searching for this post the other day to show kev! I love every word of it. You are one wise woman...but I already knew that :-)

  9. Defnitely needed this reminder...

  10. Love this post! And it's so true. Sometimes we forget. But it's always nice to go back and get those butterflies!

  11. Love this and needed it. I need to get better at this stuff before we get married. I honestly feel like we've already been married a year or two ha! Thanks girl!

  12. i know exactly what you mean ... and 100% completely agree with it! i still say i am hubby's girlfriend, it just is something that is so fresh and new with being a girlfriend, and well, i still am :)

    and flirting and dressing sexy to impress the hubby is still #1 on my list of things to do ;)

  13. Wow, Dr. Laura is a wiiiiise woman! Please do us all the favor of updating and reposting this annually!

  14. I love this! Although Cameron and I won't be married until next March, we have been together for 3 years and have been living together for 1.5 years so it's easy to get lazy and just go through the normal routine. I agree with the flirting thing - it's so important! :)

  15. LOVE this! You know I look up to you already..Now do one for single girls on how to obtain a man! haha xoxo

  16. This is a great reminder! My husband and I are almost 4 years into our marriage and we are move in love today than ever. I want to look hot for him and vice versa. Being a forever girlfriend is exactly what I want too:)

  17. I absolutely adore your blog! This post is simply GENIUS! I also have not yet been married a year but I have been with my husband Joel for 7+ years. After so long it's definitely easy to slip into a funk....i.e. wearing yoga pants and t-shirts WAY too often! I will surely take this advice of being a "forever girlfriend"! Thanks for sharing such great advice!

  18. My hubby and I have been together for 10 and married for almost 6 and we have 2 little babies. I always preach date night EVERY WEEK and I do all these little things you wrote about. You are so right, it is so important and it makes me sad for married couples with kids who stop making each other a priority. Thanks for posting this! It is so important! I was thinking about posting about date night and I would love to reference this post, would you mind?

  19. This post is amazing! Just what I needed :)

  20. you couldn't have posted this at a better time! Thank you!

  21. buying yoga pants and low cut top now. ;)
    I completely agree and I love the term - forever girlfriend.
    awesome post.

  22. omg so true :) great article/post girl- i def need to be reminded of this!

  23. What a sweet post! Totally not surprised it is your most searched.
    I've only been married for a year and a half but since the wedding, I've been devouring all sorts of info on how to sustain a wonderful marriage. I love this idea! :) From now on, I'll be making it a point to be my hubs' girlfriend as well as wife, best friend, etc.

    Happy Tuesday!
    Left brain, right brain, pug brain.

  24. Love this post. Joe and I have been together 9 years and even just dating awhile you get in that comfort zone and it can be hard to break. I am a lucky woman to have a husband who thinks I am beautiful even in my frumpiest of outfits but I am not the best at dishing it back so thank you for the great reminder!

  25. LOVE this post.. esp you're "wearing something cute". Shawn can not get enough of my leggings [which he calls tights.. lol]! I thought I was being lazy by wearing leggins all the time and had no idea it turned him on!! :))

  26. I loved this post... such a great reminder! I love being playful and doing fun things with my husband!

  27. I totally remember reading this post last time, and I still love it just as much this time! I love reading about your guys' life. You really do seem to have a happy marriage!! :)

  28. what an amazing way of looking at a relationship. i am not yet engaged or even married ha but i think that this can even go into a long-term relationship. i think it def works both ways & you really do have to focus on not getting complacent. it can sneak up on ya & sometimes you dont even realize it. thanks for the little reminder. i need to start listening to her! :]

  29. i love this post! i remember reading this a year ago & sending it to my girlfriends! you are so wise:)

  30. I am SOOOO glad that you posted this again. I missed it the first time around.....

    What a great term.."forever girlfriend". I love that! Everything that Dr. Laura says is SO true. I'm definitely going to keep all of this in mind. Alot of people just "let it all go" once they get married because they feel that they don't have to try and impress the other person anymore, etc. But it's SO important to keep that playfulness and passion going even when you ARE married.

    Thank you girl!

  31. ummm I loved reading this! You and Bryan give me hope that Beth and I won't die lonely cat ladies. what station does she come on? This was a really fabulous post. Seriously.

  32. Such a great reminder!!!!!!! Thank you for sharing this!!! I have been with my husband for 8 years (just got married this past october) and this just really resonates with me!!! I try very hard to still be his "girlfriend", but sometimes life gets in the way and interrupts. I need to remember the things we did when we first started dating. I thank you so much for posting this again since I didn't see it the 1st time!!!!

  33. LOVED this post! I have a hand painted quote hanging on my {wedding photo wall} that says, "Don't stop dating your wife & never stop flirting with your husband" - we agreed that was our motto to always remember.

    Great post! We all need to be reminded of this daily, it's easy to let go in no time!

    And yes!!!! I am my husbands girlfriend♥

  34. PS - I just shared this with about 8 of my girlfriends. I challenged them to find this post and read it. :) THanks again!

  35. WOW, what a great post! Something wonderful to think about. I am not married, just a girlfriend of 1.7 years, but I do get a lil lazy. I will admit I am usually pretty good about trying to cute for my man.

    Thanks for the reminder though!


  36. This is a fabulous concept! I just had a long talk about it with my fiance and it's something I think we both are going to keep in mind during marriage. Bring on the Forever Girlfriends!

  37. What a great way to put this! My husband and I have only been married 9 months but I had the worry that marriage would change our passion and in ways it has but for the better. This is a great perspective.

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